My Answer is YES

This weekend we spent time with a beautiful family who is in the process of awakening. The Mother left four months ago and her husbands shelf came painfully crashing down two weeks ago. He is admittedly in the “will I ever feel happy and normal again phase.” One of his questions to us was “Do you really feel happy and how?” I am going to share with you my answer to this question, because hopefully it can help someone here.

My answer: Whole heartedly, undeniably, enthusiastically YES YES YES, and here are just a few reasons why:

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3. I have felt an unquenchable thirst for learning, and that thirst has sent me on a journey that has awakened my soul in a way I truly NEVER thought was possible. My mind feels like it has literally exploded, in a good way, into new realms and new awakenings, that bring more beauty,
4. presence and joy into my life.
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6. 1. Navigating our transition skillfully meant learning new relationship skills that have proven to positively impact every relationship. Learning how to implement boundaries, determine levels of vulnerability and operate from an inner space that feels rooted and thoughtful - it has been SO empowering.
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8. 2. My body/soul actually FEELS lighter - it’s true! It has been SO healing and joyful to shed layers of shame, never “enoughness,” sticking to a script/program and a culture that was, at times, in opposition to my personal core values.
9. The relationships we have with our children have evolved into a more authentic space, leaving us feeling more in tune, more real and more connected to them. My biggest fear in leaving the church was our children, yet now we feel that we have given them a wonderful gift.
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11. 3. Our marriage has expanded in ways that would have never been possible in the church. I want to be sensitive here, because I know that the opposite can be true, and that literally makes my heart hurt. For us, fortunately, we feel more real, more seen, more loved and just happier now together than we did in the past.
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13. 4. MORE TIME - HELLO! We had NO idea how much time and effort actually went into church contributions, especially for Cody. Not only do we have Sundays, but now Saturdays are not jam packed with getting ready for Sunday - so they are more relaxed too. We also have less stress throughout the week. No more early am seminary, midweek and weekend youth activities, etc… Oh the gift of time, it has been so precious!
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15. 5. I feel LESS fear for my children and LESS fear in general in my life. I notice that I tend to see more goodness in the world and feel less us vs. them. As I see humanity without a lens of judgment (which by the way I didn’t think I had until my shelf crashed) I am able to see that we are surrounded by goodness, it is truly everywhere!
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17. 6. THE PEOPLE. The post mormon community is simply INCREDIBLE and we have made friends that feel like instant family. We have felt embraced by love and acceptance. We lost a tribe, yes, and we gained a tribe who unconditionally accepts us - it’s just awesome!
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19. 7. I feel a sense of power in my life as I have been willing to live my truth, publicly and openly, and accept that many will judge and many will fall away. Facing this reality and walking through it has been such a growth opportunity, both painful and absolutely beautiful. I feel freed to live more truthfully in all areas of my life.
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21. 8. We’ve replaced old traditions with new traditions and rituals that make my heart sing! Instead of going through the motions of FHE/scripture study, etc… because “they said so,” we now get to choose how to grow, how to learn, how to operate in ways that our inner compass is leading us into. It is so SO wonderful and comes without outside pressures or “righteous obligatory” feelings.
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And there is more, so much more! I LITERALLY cried for 6 months straight folks. Those were THE hardest and saddest and scariest months of my life, and YOU may be there now. Please please know this - THERE IS SO MUCH HOPE FOR YOU! You truly are moving through a phase of grieving a death of epic proportions to allow for new life and new growth and new light and happiness into your life. Take your time. Love yourself through it and

just know that the light WILL come!