The gift of Differentiation

One of the most beautiful attributes we have learned through our awakening is how healthy differentiation works in relationships and in family systems. This is a foundational principal that can be found in all healthy relationships, however, is often lacking in strict/high demand religious environments and families where conformity is critical.

Often as I am coaching with parents leaving Mormonism, we talk about how they can honor their children by demonstrating and teaching differentiation. Because we were programmed to think and believe the exact same thing, without question, most find themselves needing to play catch up in how to feel safe when those closest to us may feel differently about certain topics.

This is a very brief post on the topic I contributed to @parenting.aftermormonism:

Remember that as you move forward on this journey, everyone is entitled to their own feelings and experience of it. Each person in your family will process and grieve and experience this transition differently. Honor your children during times when they may feel differently than you. Teach them what compassionate understanding looks like as you offer true love and understanding to them during their times of struggle. Understanding without time limits, expectations or value judgements. Teach them how you value differentiation, meaning that everyone in the family is allowed to feel differently about things and they will still fully belong and be loved fully in the family. You are giving your children a beautiful gift by helping them realize that your family does not have to all fit into the same "belief box." For the rest of their lives they will interact with friends, teachers, spouses, neighbors, colleagues, etc...who think, believe and act differently. To teach children to hold space for, and not feel threatened by, people who do things and think things entirely different than they do, is to offer them one of THE MOST VALUABLE relationship skills.